I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
