cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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