Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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