Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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