i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We talked him into tasing himself.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
