I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
