so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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