You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
