is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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