I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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