Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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