so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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