You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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