Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
