I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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