did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
