Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
