shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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