Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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