My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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