This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
