Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize