i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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