By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
