Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i think my cat just said my name.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
