I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im holly from the hills drunk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
