turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
