I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
