Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
