oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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