I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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