woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
