You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
