How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
