Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
