when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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