i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
