if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
