what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
