is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
