your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
