Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
