you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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