its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
