is your mom at the bar?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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