I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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