2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
