I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
