So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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