If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
