i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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