I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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