Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
