Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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