At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
