Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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