Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
