she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
