you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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