grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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