Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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