I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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