I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
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I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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