i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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