it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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