chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
