I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
your room smells of hookers.
And success
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
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Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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