SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she told me i tasted like america
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
