in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
