My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
