Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
