Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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