Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
