I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
