There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
